[269] The dangers and difficulties which we have here in view are, it is almost needless to say, in most cases more liable to beset the mother (with her more intensive preoccupation with the children in their early years) than the father (who is usually less intimately and continuously in contact with them).
[270] As regards the actual steps which should be taken to secure this gradual emancipation of the growing individual from the influence and control of his family and parents, it is perhaps superfluous (and in any case inappropriate in a book of this scope) to enter fully into details here. It will be sufficient to indicate a few very obvious directions in which the general principles here referred to may find application. Thus, it is clear that children should from early years have opportunity of acquiring experience in the use of money, having at first small sums at their disposal, with larger amounts as they advance in age. They should also have experience—at first perhaps occasionally and then regularly—in purchasing their own clothes, books, writing materials and other personal requirements. The ability to travel alone, to find one's way in strange places and to mix with unknown people is also one that should be acquired early, leading, as it tends to do, to the development of resourcefulness in dealing with new situations and with varieties of human character. In view of modern educational movements, it is perhaps hardly necessary to point out in this connection the desirability of considerable (and eventually of complete) freedom in the choice of studies, of occupations and of career. The need for toleration in religious and political matters is also nowadays one that is becoming recognised.
On the other hand, it is perhaps necessary to emphasise the advantages to be derived from the formation, by each individual member of the family, of his own friendships and companionships as distinct from those which are, so to speak, found for him by his family. Thus, it is far from desirable that members of the same family should always accompany one another to social gatherings, places of entertainment or instruction, or on visits to friends. On the contrary, they will often benefit by being freed from each other's society on these occasions, and no restraints should, as a rule, be placed upon habits of independent occupation or enjoyment or upon choice of associates. Nor should the individual members of the family be expected on every occasion to render a detailed account of all their activities outside the family circle, nor to confine these activities rigorously to certain days or hours. Much family friction can often be avoided by the simple process of bestowing a latchkey! As regards extreme cases, moreover, it should be realised that wherever there is unusual difficulty in the relations between an individual and the other members of his family, a removal from the family environment is the surest, perhaps the only, method of avoiding disaster.
Above all it is necessary, throughout the process of development and education, to aim at the attainment of a due measure of self-respect and self-reliance, avoiding the pitfalls of too great self-satisfaction on the one hand and an unreasonable sense of inferiority on the other. It is here, more than elsewhere, that considerable differentiation in the treatment of individuals is required. Those who are inclined to be too well pleased with themselves will usually benefit by a somewhat rougher treatment, and will need to have their deficiencies brought home to them. Those who lack self-confidence, or who have an unduly low estimate of their attainments or capacities, will need encouragement and reassurance. In the former case some very appreciable degree of parental authority may be called for, in the latter any treatment savouring of harshness is for the most part tragically out of place.
Transcriber Notes:
P. 7. 'aquired' changed to 'acquired'.
P. 53. Footnote #36 'expecially' changed to 'especially'.
P. 63. Sidenote: 'indentify' changed to 'identify'.
P. 94. 'marrage' changed to 'marriage'.
P. 102. 'successfuly' changed to 'successfully'.
P. 107. 'persan' changed to 'person'.
P. 110. 'as a a', taken out extra 'a'.
P. 116. Footnote #138: 'irequently' changed to 'infrequently'.
P. 147. 'indentified' changed to 'identified'.
P. 155. 'virture' changed to 'virtue'.
P. 158. 'addititon' changed to 'addition'.
P. 172. 'acqaintance' changed to 'acquaintance'.
P. 190. 'individiual' changed to 'individual'.
P. 237. 'at it' changed to 'as it'.
P. 240. 'certains' changed to 'certain'.
P. 250. 'disires' changed to 'desires'.
P. 255. 'Reincaration' changed to 'Reincarnation'.
P. 256. 'S noi' changed to 'Senoi'.
P. 256. 'Slberer' changed to 'Silberer'.
Corrected various punctuation.